It's Been A While

I haven't done this for a very long time but I have been meaning to for some time now.  Rachel gave me the book "My father's story" and Rachel's mom was recently talking about her mother's journal and how it gave them some insight into her life.

Since it looks like it has been 5 years since my last post I'll start with what is going on now and hopefully, I can fill in the gaps as we go on.

8/20/2020 - Rachel and I have 3 beautiful girls, Caitlyn Rose now 6, Claire Marie now 4, and Carly Elizabeth now 1.  They are all blonde with blue eyes just like their mommy.

In October of 2016, Caitlyn was diagnosed with a brain tumor.  It was successfully removed and she has made a full recovery with some minor impairments to her hearing and swallowing.  We are blessed that she has made a great recovery.  There definitely was some trying times.  Her now yearly MRI scans still make me worried to the point of being physically sick.  I'm not sure that will ever go away.

In the spring of 2016, we moved from my house in St. Michael to home in Otsego.  It is a 2 story home that was completely finished.  We added a fenced in backyard and a swing set/kids play area that summer.  Duke loved the back yard until he passed in the summer of 2019.  The backyard was easy to get to from the basement walkout sliding door, with only a small portion of tile flooring that Duke for some reason always hated.  Too much spent out on the ice when he was a pup I guess.

I finished my Mechanical Engineering Degree in the spring of 2016.  It was a long road and I am glad that I did it, but can't imagine doing it again.  I did a distance program with UND in Grand Forks ND.  I think that a lot of programs will be going this way.  Especially with the Covid-19 stuff going on.

There is plenty more to talk about but I need to go to work tomorrow!

Thanksgiving Eve

It is the night before Thanksgiving 2015.  It's 11 pm and my family is sleeping soundly.  I can 't help but write down some of my thoughts.  Thanksgiving gets you thinking about all the things that you should be thankful for and maybe not complain about the small stuff.

Updates:  I have always enjoyed reading my old posts, gets me back to my thought process at the time.

Caitlyn is an awesome little girl.  I love that munchkin more than I thought was possible.  I was able to spend a lot of cuddle time with her last night since her mommy was sick.  She brought me all the stuff animals that she could find, and once I was pilled up with them, she wanted to climb up and cuddle.  She is such an amazing girl and I am very blessed to have her in my life.  She is begining to talk more, she loves to read you books out loud, lol.  It is really cute.  I had a few thoughts run thru my head yesterday about what my life is going to look like in 10 years with a 11 year old girl, having conversations about her day, and what makes her happy.  She is truly a gift, and I need to cherish my time with her more.

Rachel is doing ok.  She had a late miscarriage on labor day.  It is something that is hard to go thru but I couldn't imagine now, knowing the process, how people just have it cut out, like it is a thing.  I felt it was more like a birth and that it was a baby.  I didn't know how I felt until I saw it in the toilet bowl, I knew right then that it was not right to "flush it" like I had told Rachel.....That would  have been horrible, and I am glad we didn't.  We were able to get it buried in a house plant.  Since we don't know the sex of the baby, we named it Alex.  This was one of the hardest things to deal with, much harder on my wife.  She made sure I knew that too.  I wasn't as supportive as I could be, but I don't deal with death that same as most people, I get distant and take a long time to process.  There was for some reason a difficult time for this baby, the doctors didnt give it much of a chance from the get go, we fought on and things seemed to be good, then it passed away.  We went to an ultrasound together and confirmed that there was no heartbeat....I can't help but day dream about how life would be if Alex had made it.  It will be something to think about for ever.

On a different note, Rachel is pregnant again about 7 weeks.  We are on high alert, and have already had some illness scares with "slapped cheek" and flu.  Rachel has an appointment in about 3 weeks to check in.  Hope all looks well.

I am getting tired now, but I have plenty other stuff to talk about.  My job stuff changed recently and school is winding down finally.

I will have to get back and update this too.

Things Said

2010.  I pretty much don't talk all that much, i guess when i do i make it count, negatively. I'll just not express my concerns, for they do not matter because they may hurt someone, that will be much better for everyone. I thought all was well yesterday, obviously not. Do you tell someone that they have a bugger hanging out of there nose? i guess not, because that may hurt their feelings, but them walking around thinking that everything is cool isn't more hurtful, that someone that they trust doesn't tell them the fact that there is a bugger hanging out of your nose.......but just pretend that everything is alright. They will think, for surely there wasn't a bugger hanging out of my nose for my friend would have told me, it must of just happened because no one told me about it, didn't even look at me funny. Then the next day at a gathering they hear of the bugger and that they were the only one that didn't know they had a bugger hanging out of her nose.

I have said some stupid things and I have apologized about them, some things i can't take back, so i'll have to live with that. I'm sure that it will haunt me and the person whom i speak of. They are not wrong to be mad at me. but i didn't mean any harm in what i said. I don't even know why i said what i did. You shouldn't change who you are just because of what i said. I don't think that of you and please don't change, you are perfect you way you are. The person that i like to be around has nothing to do with what i said, it was a sunday/monday night freak out moment. Its a stupidity fest for 24 hrs, you don't know what will be said.

I have a random mind, so i have random thoughts, I also have an imagination. I can imagine just about anything happening, very detailed. One could say that i'm a dreamer, pretty much all that i am. I don't really do much with my dreams, except perfect them in my head.

I already regret writing this blog if i was smart i would delete it now, but guess what folks, I'm not going to.

Carpooling with Baby and Dog.

My wife and I and our 5 month old daughter Caitlyn and our pup Duke just returned from the in-laws in Janesville, WI.  It was about a 6 hour car ride back and forth, and for the most part went well with no real major issues,  It was fairly cramped inside with all the people and animals but we accomplished it.  I will say that it made me think a little harder about getting a travel trailer to pull behind our Santa Fe.  I don't think it has the capacity and I would be more comfortable if everyone was in the same cab and had more room to move around.  Our dog, Duke, was forced to be in the third row, and luggage kept falling on him.  He is such a good dog, he wouldn't wine about it, he was just try to deal with it.

I now have begun looking at Class C motor homes again.....HA HA HA.  I will surely waste another month of my time researching the hell out of something that I may never purchase.  I do really want one, and the more I think about it, I was going to settle for a camper trailer.  I shouldn't really settle.  There is a Winnebago Minnie for sale in Paynesville, MN.  It is a shorter model and they are asking about 12k for it.  Seems to be in decent condition.  I may be to take a look sometime in the next couple weeks.

I ordered about $150 worth of parts for my RC Truck.  I get a little carried away, but I found a setup that seems like it would work out pretty good.  I finally am getting the spec tires that I need to race locally.  I was able to test them and I was about a half second faster with them on.  I think that was some of my problem that I was having.  I hope to get it back together and run this Friday or Sunday.  I went a week ago and there was only two others there, kind of a bummer and didn't really get me pumped up to race again.  I need competition to have fun I guess.

I applied for a few different jobs.  I don't know why I do I guess.  At the moment I know that I am depressed and I understand that I make dumb decisions when I am.  I have received interviews and thought that they went well but I don't end up getting the job.  In reality I have it pretty decent where I am, but I would like to not have travel much.  Today I applied at a few different positions that are close to my home.   I think that I will like this if I was able to get the jobs, but it is just a little scary at times.

I have about 2 weeks worth of classes left before Winter break.  I have two big projects left that I need to do decent on.  One is a 10 page paper on Dry Machining.  The other is a control system for a spring loaded seat.  I am only really concerned with ME 424 system dynamics and controls, since it is a much more difficult course and my grade has reflected that.  I can write a decent paper I believe but I just need to find the time to get it done.  I don't care to give up that many points just because I am lazy or stressed out.

Bummin

There was a young woman killed this Sunday morning on a road that is traveled by me and my family daily.  Rachel did some research on her Sunday Evening and found out that she has a 4 year old child and was engaged to be married......I don't know this girls family but I know what they are going through,  Not fun.

This car accident and other events in the recent few weeks have left me bummin.  I have slipped a little in school with some of my homework and test prep, nothing that I can;t recover from.  Its been my MO since I started going back to school.  I will pass and do fine in the class, and forget about the turmoil that I caused myself and do it all over again next semester.

I went and helped my friend Mark move out of his apartment that he had with his now Ex-Wife.  I am worried about Mark's mental health a little.  He was basically dumped by his high school sweet heart. They have that same physical disability, CP.  Mark had become very depressed working nights and she was a stay at home wife.  She ended up meeting someone else with CP and divorced Mark.  Unfortunately for Mark, he is a geek and was able to pull all of her texts, email, and Skype sessions with the guy and knows more than he really should.  I can only imagine the heartbreak,  Of course her friends all support her, the damsel in distress, BS.  She flat out cheated on someone she once cared for.  I think it might be good for Mark to not be married to her, but I am concerned that he will take it too hard. 

I was looking at Mark as we talked, and I was trying to picture the type of guy / friend that Mark would have been if he was disabled.  Would he still have the same passion for computers and networking that he has now.  Would we be friends if he wasn't disabled?  How would his personality change if he wasn't.  Things to ponder.

All of these things have made me realize that I should be thankful for what I do have in life.  I have a great family, who raised me well.  I have a lovely wife and a little girl to call my own.  I have a old dog that I'll gladly pick up his poop just to have him as a friend.  It is great to be thankful, especially when thanksgiving is just around the corner.

2014 Update

It's been a considerable amount of time before I have updated my blog.  A lot has changed since I was in here last.  I am going to make an effort to be more diligent on posting on here.  It was fun for me to look back and see my old posts.  It gives you a glimpse of what you were feeling and thinking at any one point in time.

I have continued going to school at UND and I am on track to finish in the Spring of 2016.  I can take 2 classes per semester, which I have found to be the perfect amount of classes for me to take.  I took 3 classes a semester for one semester and learned my lesson.  With work and school it was too much stress for me and my grades suffered.  I also only took 1 class and that was not enough for me to take it seriously.  I am just thankful that there is an end in sight.  I believe that the 1.5 years left will fly by.

I recently sold my beloved Chevy Impala.  We bought a Hyundai Santa Fe and I started using Rachel's Elantra leaving the Impala to sit and rot.  I had it on Craigslist for about 3 months and finally after lowering the price several times I sold it to a local early twenties man.  I really enjoyed the car, I had owned it for its whole life and it was really good to me.  I actually like it more than the car I will be driving from now on.

The more that I write the more I realize that I have failed to mention that Rachel and I got married in Lindstrom, MN on April 6, 2013.  We had it at an old Girl Scout Camp in the main dining hall.  It went well considering that it rained pretty heavily before and during the reception, making it a mud pit for all of our guests.  I think for our guests that's all they will remember.

Another major event was the birth of our daughter, Caitlyn Rose.  She was born on June 28, 2014.  It was a normal pregnancy until the very end.  When Rachel was about 1 week overdue, on a checkup they were concerned about Caitlyn not moving around as much as they thought she should be and ended up inducing labor that evening.  During labor we found out that Caitlyn had her cord wrapped around her neck and was preventing her from coming out nicely.  The doctor had to used the suction cup on her head and pulled with all her might, and actually popped off once showering me with blood.  She tried again and luckly was able to get Caitlyn out safely.  They had concerns about her breathing and had her in the NICU for what was supposed to be a couple hours.  During her stay she stopped breathing during crying, alerting the nurses and along with Belly Rubian and Low blood sugar issues she was in the NICU for about a week.  It was the longest week that I can remember and I can not imagine if we had to stay as long as some of that parents that were there with premies.   With all that said, Caitlyn has been a great addition to the family, and now I cannot imagine my life without her in our lives.  She had quite the personality, smiling and sticking her tongue out.  I cannot wait to help her grow into a smart beautiful woman.

Update.

Well its been a while since i wrote one of these.  I only came in here trying to snoop on a relative lol. Looking back at my posts i can tell that a lot has changed and still some stay the same.

I will recap some of the things that have changed.  Mostly for my own good, later on.

Starting in the Fall of 2010 i took classes at nights at the UMN. I took Engineering Physics 1 and 2. These classes were interesting but it seemed that i was spending a lot of time and money on getting down to school after work and finding parking.  I have recently started taking classes at UND towards a BS in Mechanical Engineering.  I can take most of the classes online, and take the tests at a local library.  So far this has been good and the courses have been better than i thought they would be.  They must have a lot of students doing the same, they seems to cater, or they have experience with the class recordings and communication with online students.  So I have been taking Statics and Electrical Circuits along with Calc 3 at the UMN.

In the spring of 11'  I transferred into the Automation Group at my company.  It is something that I found an interest in and it gives me a more stable work environment.  Except now, lately, I have been out of town a lot.  usually weeks at a time.  I hope to move into more of a Engineering role, but I feel that i have been categorized as a tech type person, and that the only way that I will break that label is to move to a different company and be hired as a Engineer.  But i cant do anything till I am done with school or at least have some more school under my belt that someone would hire me in an beginning Engineering role. 
I have just started to be able to program and play with some of the Cell PLC logic and Programming.  It is more difficult than a guy would think.  Its actually rather tedious and boring, but the final product seems like its never finished, something can be always tweaked or adjusted to just perfect.

I ran two half marathons with Rachel, and i managed to beat her in the Lindstrom Lopet this year.....she must of been hurt or something.  First half was the minneapolis one and i had trained a little for that, but the second was a spur of the moment, the seattle marathon which was just 2 weeks after my first.  I bought a guys bib, like  a drug deal or something. lol.

Well i'm sure there is more, but i have assignments due tomorrow and i should really do them instead of this.