Thanksgiving Eve

It is the night before Thanksgiving 2015.  It's 11 pm and my family is sleeping soundly.  I can 't help but write down some of my thoughts.  Thanksgiving gets you thinking about all the things that you should be thankful for and maybe not complain about the small stuff.

Updates:  I have always enjoyed reading my old posts, gets me back to my thought process at the time.

Caitlyn is an awesome little girl.  I love that munchkin more than I thought was possible.  I was able to spend a lot of cuddle time with her last night since her mommy was sick.  She brought me all the stuff animals that she could find, and once I was pilled up with them, she wanted to climb up and cuddle.  She is such an amazing girl and I am very blessed to have her in my life.  She is begining to talk more, she loves to read you books out loud, lol.  It is really cute.  I had a few thoughts run thru my head yesterday about what my life is going to look like in 10 years with a 11 year old girl, having conversations about her day, and what makes her happy.  She is truly a gift, and I need to cherish my time with her more.

Rachel is doing ok.  She had a late miscarriage on labor day.  It is something that is hard to go thru but I couldn't imagine now, knowing the process, how people just have it cut out, like it is a thing.  I felt it was more like a birth and that it was a baby.  I didn't know how I felt until I saw it in the toilet bowl, I knew right then that it was not right to "flush it" like I had told Rachel.....That would  have been horrible, and I am glad we didn't.  We were able to get it buried in a house plant.  Since we don't know the sex of the baby, we named it Alex.  This was one of the hardest things to deal with, much harder on my wife.  She made sure I knew that too.  I wasn't as supportive as I could be, but I don't deal with death that same as most people, I get distant and take a long time to process.  There was for some reason a difficult time for this baby, the doctors didnt give it much of a chance from the get go, we fought on and things seemed to be good, then it passed away.  We went to an ultrasound together and confirmed that there was no heartbeat....I can't help but day dream about how life would be if Alex had made it.  It will be something to think about for ever.

On a different note, Rachel is pregnant again about 7 weeks.  We are on high alert, and have already had some illness scares with "slapped cheek" and flu.  Rachel has an appointment in about 3 weeks to check in.  Hope all looks well.

I am getting tired now, but I have plenty other stuff to talk about.  My job stuff changed recently and school is winding down finally.

I will have to get back and update this too.